Life's instances can be tricky. Even those that have been carefully planned can leave you with no assurance of perfection. And the very mention of the word makes me shiver, I do not wish to sound irrational or hypnotic. Perfection is a word, an exorbitant figment of one's imagination that can be freely associated, without any form of ridicule, with childish fairytales or to those who are head over heels seriously whacked out sentient beings in love. And my life certainly isn't one hell of a happy tale nor well (?).0.o Though I must admit I am a sucker for happy endings. Mmm.. I could whole heartedly with all sincerity hold it for a moment then revert back to my intrinsically pesimisstic outwardly optimistic self. Come to think of it I could fall just under the seriously whacked out type. *laughs hysterically through a blank stare*

Well anyway, there's this feeling that you get or well I got or still have that I couldn't explain having gone through something I felt I carefully prepared for, both mentally, spirtually and physically. I've exerted quite a considerable amount of time and energy and instituted some form of habit into my already boring lifestyle just to gain that atmosphere of readiness.. (I think, but it's not the strict military kind of discipline that I now feel i should have incorporated. Garshdarnit, there's no use crying over spilled milk now.) I hate to admit that I'm one of the few who feels sorry AFTER things have been said and done. I'm at a loss now.. not exactly sure how to proceed or fill the activity I used to generally know how to do. Not sure if I've given it enough justice. Not sure of how I did. That I may inadvertently let crude instinct win over facts that I let slip. But I have deep faith. And it always ALWAYS helps me get through. Sometimes it's all I have. And most of the time it's all I really need.

Now its time to let the tide take its course no matter how grueling the process may be. It can be unpredictable but it's something I choose to depend on. I wonder how much of a person's life is spent on waiting and how many of the mentioned knew what they're actually waiting for. There's only so much one can do at a certain point, now all I can do is wait.

I hope for this particular chapter of my life to get its happy ending.

This is me anxious. :(